"You really think that I could never beat you?!" - Ally
"Never? No. Just not -- *ever*." - Larry

"I'm allergic to the down feathers in the couch, all right? There's cholesterol in the eggnog. The tree is a fire hazard. And twinkly lights can cause seizures." - Larry on why he hates Christmas

“If I were a midget--" - Ally
“’little person’!” - Larry
“Yea--litt--*if I were three feet tall*, would you still love me?” - Ally
“So you’re telling me that if you had walked into Tracy’s office months ago and there I was -- *three feet tall*, you & I would be standing here?!” - Larry

"Okay, so if I'm old and gray and wrinkled one day, you'll no longer love me?" - Ally
"I'll still love you, you'll still be tall..." - Larry trying to prove to Ally that looks matter, but so does height

"Care to dance with an insignificant litigious little gnat?" - Larry
"Where have you been?" - Ally
"Sears. I picked out a new sofa..." - Larry
"Oh, for you to be sleeping on at night?" - Ally
"Or we could watch TV together - you can work the remote..." - Larry
"Oh, don't be gross..." - Ally

"Love isn't always enough..." - Ally to Larry
"Yeah it is... You go without it long enough, and you realize it's everything..." - Larry

"Even if she & I are over, trust me, you don't wanna be following her, because she's... she's it..." - Larry to Jaimie about Ally

"People talk funny in Canada... forget drugs & guns, people - they're into hockey!" - Larry to Jaimie on why he's against his son being raised in Canada

"Bite my head off!" - Nelle to Ally
"Don't tempt me..." - Ally

"Have you considered several birds could try to nest on it at the same time, they could fight, die, nature could suffer?" - Larry about Ally's hat
"Yes. That's the first question I posed." - Ally

"I think Tourette's is so cool... It'd be so great to just annoy people like that! You whoop & twitch - any other good ones?" - Ling to Melanie West

"I'm still capable of making a lot of mistakes, Ally, but walking away from you is not one of them..." - Larry

"You are the biggest *ass* I have ever met..." - Ally to Larry
"Perhaps this is where you kiss it goodbye..." - Larry

"The reasons men go into relationships is for sex. They get married so they get to keep having it over and over without wasting time on the dinner & the flowers; and if it only lasts FIVE minutes, why are you falling asleep at all? You should be lying awake wondering what the hell is wrong..." - Larry to Ally on her relationship with Brian
"You are such a *man*..." - Ally in disgust

"Any half-assed lawyer-" - Ally
"-that would be me-" - Larry
"-would've declared it Nelle & void in one motion!" - Ally
"NULL & void, Nelle is your colleague..." - Larry

"And how do you claim to know me so damn well?!" - Ally to Brian
"Because... you're starting to act like a monster, and women don't do that until you really get to know them..." - Brian
"And you're... handling me?" - Ally
"Is it working?" - Brian

"Your honour, may I be heard?" - Richard
"I was hoping it wouldn't come to that..." - Judge

"Chris, you should go out and find yourself a nice 17-year-old..." - Ally
"Yeah, and if she has a friend...?" - Richard

"What *are* you doing?" - Nelle upon seeing John's smile
"My therapist told me to go right into a smile upon seeing you, instead of waiting for you to engage in your typically horrendous behaviour..." - John

"Tell all your little friends to stay hidden... I'm a *bad* witch..." - Nelle to John

"What?! $300,000?! I appeal!!!" - Nelle
"You *can't* appeal... I'm *binding*!" - Judge "Bulldog" Brattle

"Ah, Nelle, just the person I wanted to see..." - John
"If it's naked, you're outta luck..." - Nelle
"I'd rather puke my intestines out and *snorkel* in them than see you naked!" - John

"Oh, Frosty the Snowgirl has plans..." - John about Nelle
"What did you call me?" - Nelle
"Frosty the Snowgirl..." - John
"You shouldn't get to talk to me like that just because you're senior Pipsqueak - oops, I mean Partner... Speaking of that, I'd like to be *made* partner... I believe I generate most of the business here, and I'd like to be compensated accordingly..." - Nelle
"Over my dead body, which would still be a few degrees warmer than yours, you rich-bitch-elitist-ice-queen!" - John [Yes, even after *all of that* I think they're meant to be together:)]

"I know I'm better than everyone else, Richard, but sometimes it's nice to hear it..." - Ling

"I'm rich, I only go to work to wear my outfits!" - Ling

"Puh-lease! Billy's not even capable of a crisis... He has the personality of a nail - minus the sharp end." - Ling to Nelle

"Ling, just GO! Ally's back on the case..." - Mark
"That hurt my feelings..." - Ling, making a sad face

"How *dare* your imitate the sounds I make in bed?! You wanna know what *you* sound like???" - Nelle to John
"I do!" - Richard

"Oh, I forgot! Tomorrow's Thanksgiving!" - Georgia
"How could you forget? It's only the biggest cooking day of the year!" - Richard
"No, seriously, I need a turkey..." - Georgia
"You've already got one... Look there." - Ling, referring to Billy

"FBI?!" - John, surprised at Richard's choice of words
"I should've yelled what, Lawyer?!" - Richard

"It's one thing to say you can sue the environment, but why do we have to be the lawyers doing it?"-Georgia

"You wouldn't even go to bed with a man unless you could storyboard it first...."-Renee to Ally

"The world is no longer a romantic place; some of its people still are, however, and therein lies the promise. Don't let the world win, Ally McBeal..."-John to (duh!) Ally

"I think we need to act our age more..."-Billy

"Don't start playing hard to get again, John... I might just give up and start going after Billy...(turns to Georgia)Kidding..."-Nelle (walks away)
"Not that it's any of my business, but just for my education: What EXACTLY do you see in her?"-Georgia to John

"Get your paws off my husband!"-Courtney Thorne-Smith on what unexpected thoughts might lurk behing Georgia's sunny smile (in "TV Guide")

"Most men think if a woman invites a man over to her place for dinner she just wants to sleep with him... C'mon, take your coat off..."-Nelle
"So that's not the case here?"-John
"Did you want it to be the case?"-Nelle
"Maybe I did..."-John
"Well, at a minimum you're gonna hafta eat first... I've been slaving over this damn stove..."-Nelle

"What exactly do you see in him besides the top of his head?"-Ling to Nelle
"What does she see in me? I'll tell you what she sees in me - I'm a love machine, baby... L-O-V-E Machine..."-John after Nelle and Ling leave
"John... Or is it "Mr. Machine"...?"-Ally in that same scene

"You're quite pleased about our little act of mischief, aren't you?"-Billy to Georgia

"And who will be suing today?"-Elaine to Ling

"In ancient China your head would be cut off..."-Ling to Ally

"This is a woman who practiced law for about 3 months, a woman he wants to sleep with, a woman who on a tender day RISES to the level of "vicious"! How can she work in this firm?"-Georgia explaining to John why they shouldn't hire Ling

"'Snap' and 'Ish'!"-Elaine to Ally & Billy

"Ling has a way of making things happen..."-Nelle to John explaining how she got Barry White to perform at his birthday

"And you, Nelle... I'm a little disappointed in you..."-Ally
"Oh, there goes my self-esteen! I so lived for your approval!"-Nelle to Ally

"I can tell she likes you... I saw her smile..."-John to Richard about Ling

"I don't laugh weekdays."-Ling

"I knew this would happen if I took a job here! You'd all make me work!"-Ling

"You yourself said he looks like a gerbil!"-Renee to Ally

"Oh won't you just chew on it!?"-John to Ling
"Chew on what?"-Ling

"I've never been to a shrink..."-Georgia
"And it shows..."-Billy

"Oh, forgive my bluntness... It's a device I use to cope..."-Elaine

"Actually, I'm just trying to tie you up in court while I tie up Billy...Kidding..."-Nelle to Georgia "You think that's funny?"-Georgia

"What about Georgia? She could sit at your hearing!"-Ally
"Georgia's busy... We wouldn't want to impose on Georgia, would we?"-Georgia
"I love this..."-Ling

"Men are like that, and there's no right or wrong when it comes to sex... When it's right, it's right; when it's wrong, it's still right... Fishism..."-Richard

"Listen, without renouncing our need for therapy, she's terrible! Georgia, it comes down to me and you; if we make it, we make it as me and you... How about instead of talking about what we need to talk about here, we do it at lunch?"-Billy
"I suppose it's cheaper..."-Georgia
"And without saying all's forgiven, how about as I walk you to lunch, you let me take your hand?"-Billy

"If someone were to ask me the fastest and best way to get an Emmy, I'd say write a script and get Calista Flockhart to say the words... It's her talent that's the reason we're all standing up here today..."-David E. Kelley accepting an Emmy for "Ally McBeal" as "Best Comedy Series" (09/13/99)